Sherbert, here. Remember me? I’m the original original UrbanBulldog; the reason y’all started coming to this blog in the first place. That was before he of the floppy (i.e. stone-cold deaf) ears and the waddling (i.e. fat) behind showed up and ruined my retirement. I was the one with the original name and the story that tugged at your heartstrings. But now, I’m just the footnote. And I think a little story from this morning illustrates that fact as well as any.
So, Lunchbox and Engineer Dan were out for a walk – they go on a lot of walks because LB is h*y*p*e*r – and LB was working his thing, sashying around like he does and looking all wide-eyed and cute (uh, really he’s just scared batless). All of a sudden this nattily dressed man in a fancy Mercedes Benz pulls over – I think Engineer Dan said it was a G-series, or something – and starts proclaiming his love for Lunchbox.
Oh, is this a so-and-so bulldog? ED: Ah, no he’s from Nebraska.
Oh, is he a show dog? He’s got those great ears and he’s all white. ED: Ah, no he’s deaf.
Oh, is he a breeder? ‘Cause we’re looking for one like him. ED: Ah, he’s got no B**LS. (Or something indelicate like that. It was early, and ED hadn’t had his bacon yet.)
And right there, right there, was the moment ED could have told the nattily dressed Mercedes man about his other beautiful bulldog, moi, Miss Sherbert. The one who was a star breeder (all the tabloids said so) and who rides around in a stunning red wagon. You think this one is spectacular to look at, you should see our other one, he could have said, but she’s so delicate we can’t let her out of the house (especially when it’s snowing or rainy) and actually me and this mutt are on the way to the produce market right now to get her a whole bundle of finely chopped carrots. Yes, yes, that’s what he could have said.
But no, like I said, I’m just an afterthought now. I’m just that sack of potatoes he carries up-and-down the stairs and fights for space with on the bed (just imagine ED if LB were let on the bed – it would be chaos!). I’m just the one he head wrestles with (I don’t have teeth, remember) and the one he secretly slips those yummy fish oil pills when LB is cowering in a corner from the silent ghosts. And I’m the one that goes on vacation and for those long car rides…
Oh, my, maybe I’ve misread things. Maybe I should apologize for peeing on the sofa and then letting LB sleep in it…that really wasn’t very lady-like.
NAH, that was pretty funny! And then ED gave Lunchbox a B*A*T*H! Ha.
Anyway peeps, thanks for listening and all. I feel a bit better about my status now. I think I’ll go blow on LB’s ears while he’s sleeping.